


I Miss You

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 09:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17465231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Doranbolt had been putting off visiting Lahar’s grave for weeks. At first, he’d had the excuse that he was helping the Council get back on its feet, and then he had found a seemingly endless list of jobs that needed to be done, and done by him alone. Or so he’d told himself, but he knew that he was just finding excuses at this point, and at the back of his mind he knew that was the coward's approach.





	I Miss You

    Doranbolt had been putting off visiting Lahar’s grave for weeks. At first, he’d had the excuse that he was helping the Council get back on its feet, and then he had found a seemingly endless list of jobs that needed to be done, and done by him alone. Or so he’d told himself, but he knew that he was just finding excuses at this point, and at the back of his mind he knew that was the coward's approach. A realisation that left a foul taste in his mouth. Which was why, finally, nearly three months after the other man had died here he was slowly trekking up towards the cemetery. His steps were deliberately slow as he tried to wrestle his thoughts, and emotions into some semblance of order, and yet with every step he took, all he could focus on was the fact that Lahar wasn’t at his side anymore. That he now belonged in the lonely grave, and he nearly turned around there and then, not sure that was ready to face that reality. Or if he would ever be ready, but he had already come this far, and he knew or rather hoped that Lahar was waiting for him.

And that he would forgive him for his cowardice.

    He felt somewhat numb as he made his way to the far corner of the graveyard. He hadn’t been here since the day of Lahar’s funeral, but the path was burned into his memory, allowing him to walk without much thought, his heart beginning to hammer in his chest. _Lahar._ Even now he could feel the weight of the other mage lying in his arms. The terror that had gripped him when he had realised that the other man wasn’t going to come back from injuries like the ones that had been inflicted on him. The bone-deep emptiness and the burning rage that had followed when he realised that Lahar had slipped away between one breath and the next. He had hoped that having a hand in bringing down his killers would ease some of those memories, and the guilt that accompanied them, and to some extent it had, and yet it had also given him the opportunity to turn that anger inwards.

_If only I had been faster. If only I had been at his side, or if I had been in his place…_

    More than once he had contemplated just removing the memories, wanting an escape from the pain, the sharp ache in his chest that never seemed to fade. But each time he started to gather his magic, Lahar’s face would flash through his mind - there were never any words, just those stern eyes and the half smile that he had worn when happy, and every time Doranbolt had faltered. Yes, he would be free of the bad memories and maybe even the guilt, although part of him felt that would linger even if he no longer knew why he felt that way. But he would lose everything else. He would lose the precious memories of the jobs they had done together; the battles they had fought side by side.

    Even worse he would lose the tender memories. The memories of their long, slow-paced courtship. He still had no idea when or how things had begun to change between them, but it had, slowly…creeping along at a snail’s pace. They were both very different, and Lahar had been bound by his rules and position, and Doranbolt had always felt hesitant about forming stronger ties, never able to explain the apprehension although now he had a feeling that was because there had been a lingering awareness that he had been someone else, or rather something else before joining the Council. However, they had slowly pushed past that, and awkward attempts at flirting had turned to quiet moments snatched here and there between their work at their council and then dates, never anything elaborate, neither of them was much for fanfare, and there was never enough time.

    It had taken nearly three years to get to the point where either of them had been willing to admit what they meant to one another. The confession finally coming after a particularly dangerous mission that had nearly seen Doranbolt in the ground far earlier than Lahar. Lahar had swept into the infirmary chasing out the healer with his most imperious tone, and Doranbolt had been bracing himself for one hell of dressing down, well aware that he had been reckless, but what else was he meant to do when he saw the other man being targeted? For a long moment Lahar had just glared at him, eyes dark behind his glasses and he had found himself fighting the urge to squirm under that gaze. _Damn, but the man could be intimidating when he wanted to…_ He had just opened his mouth, trying to come up with something to mitigate the scolding when Lahar had moved. There had been no angry words, and the glare had melted away to a look of relief seconds before the other man had his arms around him.

“You scared me you, idiot…”

“Sorry.”

     Lahar had made a choked noise at the apology, no doubt knowing that Doranbolt had been thinking that he would do it all over again if the situation had called for it, and he pulled back to stare down at the other man. There was something unreadable in his expression, something that stopped Doranbolt from trying to ask what was wrong, and then the distance disappeared between them as Lahar kissed him. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it spoke volumes. In that single gesture, he conveyed his fear and how much Doranbolt meant to him, and there had been tears in both of their eyes when they broke apart, and it had taken him a couple of minutes to get his voice to work.

“I love you too…”

    Outwardly nothing about their relationship seemed to change. They were both too dedicated to their work for that, but now they went home to the other after a long day or trip and woke beside them in the morning. There were more kisses, always out of sight, but each one treasured all the more because it existed just between the two of them and slowly, just as slowly as they had courted one another they began to delve deeper.

    Small cracks appeared in their masks after that. As it was harder to pretend not to be more concerned about your lover than anyone else during a battle, and their rare spats while always carried out in private began to seep into the atmosphere around their troops. He knew that Lahar had worried about it, and more than once he had feared that the older man would call an end to it, but he never did. Instead, they grew closer and closer, to the point where no one else could match them as a team as they knew without a doubt where the other would be and what they were capable of. It was something that neither of them had ever thought they would have, and something they both treasured, and it was why mere days before Tartaros had launched their attack Doranbolt had finally allowed himself to start looking for a ring. It had taken years, but he knew that he didn’t want anyone other than Lahar either now or in the future, and he wanted the world to know that.

    He had found one the morning of the attack. It was simple, a plain silver band with no adornments but he knew that was what Lahar would prefer. He had bought it, leaving it at the jewellers to be engraved with their names, wanting there to be something on it that was just theirs and then the call had come through.

   He had gone straight to the council, never thinking that the future that he was dreaming about was about to go up in smoke. He had spent so many hours wishing that he had just taken it with him, that he could have slipped it onto Lahar’s finger so that the other man knew how he felt before he…before he…Doranbolt sniffled slightly, reaching up to grasp the ring that now hung from a plain cord around his throat, it had become a talisman of sorts, but today…today he would give it to the only man that he would ever give it to.

The only man who could have his heart even in death…

“Hey…” Doranbolt whispered as he came to a halt in front of Lahar’s grave a couple of minutes later, his eyes prickling with tears from the memories that had stirred up during the walk and he hesitated for a moment before stepping forward, his hand trembling slightly as he laid it on the top of the gravestone. “I’m sorry it’s been so long. A lot has happened. A lot of which I didn’t know how to tell you, or rather I was too afraid to tell you before now. But, I miss you.”

_I miss you…_


End file.
